1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
