How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
