Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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