if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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