I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drunk is not a location!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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