So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
