I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
