12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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