Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
