I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
