So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
