Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
