How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
