My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
