Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
