Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
