since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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