I've blown a few things in my day
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
