Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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