mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
