Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
