Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do vagina's smell?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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