There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
