She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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