I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
God, I missed his penis.
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