I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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