You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
