3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
