I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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