I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
