Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
