Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
