Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
