Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this boner is exhausting
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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