First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
