so that wasnt chicken after all
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
