They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
