just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
