at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
