Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
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