I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
