I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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