so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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