thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
