its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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