Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
