Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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