I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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