she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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