Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
