Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
