Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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