While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
