I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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